Tuesday, July 24, 2007

GREAT TRUTHS

  • GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
  • 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  • 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  • 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  • 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  • 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  • 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  • 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  • 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  • 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  • 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
  • GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
  • 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
  • 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
  • 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
  • 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
  • 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
  • 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  • GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
  • 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  • 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  • 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
  • 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  • 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  • 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
  • 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
  • THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
  • 1) You believe in Santa Claus.

  • 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
  • 3) You are Santa Claus.
  • 4) You look like Santa Claus.
  • SUCCESS:
  • At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
  • At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
  • At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
  • At age 20 success is . . . having a boyfriend that thinks you a really good looking
  • At age 35 success is . . . having money.
  • At age 50 success is . . . having money.
  • At age 60 success is . . . having a boyfriend that thinks you are really good looking
  • At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
  • At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
  • At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
  • Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.
  • Thanks Ronda

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