Woman's Poem

WOMAN'S POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. Then the big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big man says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said turn around!" ________________________________________________________________________ A Mans Life One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up, and right when I am ready to get it on she says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man ." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at Macy's dept. store I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "Go ahead and get it honey." She was almost nearing an orgasm from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you!!!!!" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. Thanks Joni